These are some longer texts for jokes.
Have fun...
- Dalam sebuah penerbangan antara Jakarta – Sydney, seorang pramugari menumpahkan
air minum ke pangkuan seorang wanita
Indonesia.
Seorang pramugari lain membantu rekannya mengatasi persoalan itu. Sang wanita dengan galaknya menghardik (dalam Bahasa Inggris) “YOU DON’T FOLLOW MIX! YOUR CHILDREN FRUIT STUPID DOESN’T PLAY!”
Pramugari itu kaget dan tidak paham bahasa yang sedemikian ruwet itu.
Ada yang tahu terjemahannya
- Ada orang Indonesia yang lagi jalan-jalan di New York city, tiba-tiba ditodong oleh preman setempat.
- Preman : Gimme your money…. U bloody Asian!!!
- Indo : Eeee… delicious aja… You think easy find money ya? Done tired half dead, you delicious-delicious ask money from me!!!
- Preman : ??*#$@%?? What?? I don’t care. Gimme your money!!! (sambil nodongin pisau
- Indo : Ouch gold… pity me donk. Economy again down. If no money, children wife eat what???
- Preman : Oh My Lord ….what is he talking about? (sambil nusuk pisau ke orang Indonesia)
- Indo : Unlucky you… later I become ghost, feel it!!!!
- Suatu hari ada bule kehilangan sepeda motor yang diparkirnya di sekitar jalan Malioboro, Jogjakarta. Lalu ia bertanya pada Paijo yang kebetulan ada di tempat parkir.
Paijo : YES HE USE TO TABLE SQUARE-SQUARE. WORTH HE
FAST-FAST GO
WITHOUT ANY WET EXPIRE.
Lalu dengan sok berwibawa Paijo menasehati si bule tadi. Paijo :SIR,
DIFFERENT RIVER, IF PARK BICYCLE MOTOR
LIVER-LIVER YES?
Si bule diam saja krn gak ngerti, sehingga Paijo ngedumel
“BASIC BULE!”
Si bule pergi krn bingung, dan dengan pedenya si Paijo bilang:
“BREASTTTT!” sambil melambaikan
tangannya…
- Taufik is a new Indonesian driver who work in Amerika. One day, his car suddenly hit another car in front of him because the car stop suddenly..
Hesitately, Taufik say
his sorry to his boss. “Sorry Sir, I break break, do not eat. After I check the
wheel no flower again”
When the boss want to
angry, Taufik say “Don’t follow mix,Sir! The bring that car is not wrong is the
children fruit from manager money, he stupid no play! Let know taste”.
On the next day ,
Taufik doesn’t work. And on the next day the boss ask Taufik “Why didn’t you
come to work yesterday?” . Taufik answer
“I’m sorrry boss, my body is not delicious, my body taste like enter the
wind”
- Mrs. Dickson was having a lot of trouble with her skin, so she went to her doctor about it. However, the doctor could not find anything wrong with her, so he sent her to the local hospital for some tests. The hospital, of course, sent the result of the tests directly to Mrs. Dickson’s doctor, and the next morning he telephoned her to give her a list of things that he thought she should not eat, as any of them might be the cause of her skin trouble.
- Mrs. Dickson carefully wrote all the things down on a piece of paper, which she the left beside the telephone while she went out to ladies’ meeting.
- When she got back home two hours later, she found her husband waiting for her. He had a big basket full of packages beside him, and he saw her, he said, “Hello, sweetheart. I have done all the shopping for you.”
“Well,
when I got home I found your shopping list beside the telephone,” answered her
husband, “so I went down to the shops and bought everything you had written
down.”
Of
course, Mrs. Dickson had to tell him that he had bought all the things the doctor
did not allow her to eat
Mrs Jones was very fond of singing. She had a good
voice, except that some of her high notes tended to sound like a gate which
someone had forgotten to oil. Mrs Jones was very conscious of this weakness,
and took every opportunity she could find to practise these high notes. As she
lived in a small house, where she could not practise without disturbing the
rest of the family, she usually went for long walks along the country roads
whenever she had time, and practised her high notes there. Whenever se heard a
car or a person coming along the road, she stopped and waited until she could
no longer be heard before she started practising again, because she was a shy
person, and because she was sensitive about those high notes.
One
afternoon, however, a fast, open car came behind her so silently and so fast
that she did not hear it until it was only a few yards from her. She was
singing some of her high and most difficult notes at the time, and as the car
passed her, she saw an anxious expression suddenly come over its driver’s face.
He put his brakes on violently, and as soon as the car stopped, jumped out and
began to examine all his tyres carefully.
Mrs Jones
did not dare to tell what the noise he had heard really been, so he got back
into his car and drove off as puzzled as he had been when he stopped.
Early one morning, a mother went in to
wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to
go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't
want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and
the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to
school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go
to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old.
And for another, you're the Principal!"
A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a
little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore
she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout,
and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease;
it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”
He answered, “That’s okay.”
“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out
“Goodbye, Mom” as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”
She then went through the checkout … and
as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mother.”
The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little
sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries.
“That comes to $121.85,” said the clerk.
“How come so much? I only bought 5
items..”
The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother
said you’d pay for her things, too.”
A CEO throwing a party takes his
executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the
CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen.
The huge pool, however, is filled with
hungry alligators.
The CEO says to his executives “I think
an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So
this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into
the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will
give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!”
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer
and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone
turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming
for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge
of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge
alligator snaps at his shoes.
The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO
and says, “You are amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. You
are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for
you.
The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and
says, “You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!”
[Reference: Harefa, A & Bun, H. (2006) Smile pliz, Yogyakarta, Gradien Books &
other unknown sources]
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