Jokes 3

Jokes part 3
Some more jokes in texts. 
Happy reading...:)

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Professor Carter visited Mr. and Mrs. Crocket who lived on the other side of town. After a good dinner and a game of cards, he said,"I'm going to walk home now".
Mrs. Crocket looked out the window and said, "But it is raining outside. Please stay here tonight."
She went and prepared the guest room for him. After a few minutes, she came back to the living room, but the professor was not there.
Mr. and Mrs. Crocket waited for more than 30 minutes, and they started to go to bed. But then somebody knocked at the back door of the house. It was the professor. He was very wet. Mr. Crocket and his wife were very surprised to see him. They said, "You're here!"
"Yes", the professor answered. "I went home and got my pyjamas".



The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.
"Need some help?" a secretary asked.
"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"
"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?" 


Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" 
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"
Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"


Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Junior :  You said it was my lunch money...

A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?"
The student said, "Yes, every single word of it".
The professor said," Well, then, I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Edgar Alan Poe. I thought you were long dead..."

A bribe for the professor

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handled out the test papers and went back to his desk. When the students had handed the test back in, the professor noticed that one student had attached a $ 100 bill to his test with a note saying “ a dollar per point”. At the next session the professor handed the test back out. This student got back his test and $ 56 change.

It was a graduation day and mom was trying to take a picture of junior in his academic robe, posting with his father. Put ‘I want a good picture, so try to make this look natural,’ she said. ‘Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder’. Dad said, ’If you want it to look natural, why don’t you have him put his hand in my pocket’.

Little Larry stopped by a grocery store and read the following list to the shop assistant;

10 lbs of sugar at $1.25/lb

4 lbs of coffee at $ 1.50/lb

2 lbs of butter at $ 1.10/lb

2 bars of soap at $ 0.83 each

‘How much that would be altogether?’ asked Larry.

‘Twenty-two dollars and thirty cents.’

‘If I gave you three ten-dollar bills, how much change would I get? Said the boy.

‘Seven dollars and sixty-four cents’, stated the shop assistant, who appeared to be irritated by all the questions.

‘Larry said as he disappeared through the door, ‘I don’t wanna buy the items. That;s our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it.'

Lenny began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the girls enjoyed a game of soccer.
Lenny approached to her and asked if she was all right. And she was. A little while later, however, the young woman noticed that the girl was still at the same spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Lenny offered, 'Would you make me to be your friend?'
The girl hesitated but then said,'OK'. 
Feeling she was making progress, Lenny asked then, 'Why are you standing here all alone?'
'Because,' the little girl said with great desperation,'I am the goal-keeper!'




[References: Taken from many unknown sources]